the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
