Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
