Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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