Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
