just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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