Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
it was like eating out sand paper
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
