ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Randomize
