I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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