I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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