Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
