He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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