How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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