hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
