I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Your penis caused this!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
