i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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