I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
