im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I touched a dick in church today
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
