So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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