im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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