Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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