Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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