im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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