You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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