hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.