Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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