There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO