the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
