At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG