i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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