i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game