before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...