I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.