I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
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i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize