Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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