My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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