Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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