Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
