Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
