WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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