Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
