he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
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this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
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Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Pants are for mortals
She made me pour olive oil on her.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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