The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Come on in and take your pants off
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