alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
