she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
