her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
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Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
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I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i now understand why vodka
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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