woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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