The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
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That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
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I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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