who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
