I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
