Kiss
Puke
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
