I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The air taste purple.
Randomize
