he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
