Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
