i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
