you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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