So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
