Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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