Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
