mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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