I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
