According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
