You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
