Got a toothbrush?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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