i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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