I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
