can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
