I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
