STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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