ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
