Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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