We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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