to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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