dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
