You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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