yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
