I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
