Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
