wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
