Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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