I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
