The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
