She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
