Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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