I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
